So I get home from delivering my newspapers earlier this morning, and since my lemonade stand is stocked and ready to go, I've got some free time. At about 5am, I go upstairs and realize that it's starting to get light outside. So I do my business upstairs then decide I should mow the lawn. I start the mower up, and 45 minutes later I am done cutting the fastest growing and thickest lawn in the world. I wash the mower off, wash my shoes off, then head back into the house. My mom is up and wearing her finest flannel nightgown, but doesn't look too happy. I looked at her and said, what?!?!?!?!? She said, why on earth did you mow the lawn now and wake up all the neighbors? I said, cause fuck em, that's why. Then I grabbed a diet mountain dew and went back downstairs.
I'm 40 and I live in my mom's basement. I stay up all night playing Tiger Woods golf and sleep all day on a cot.
I have the largest newspaper route in the greater Des Moines area and have a 97% satisfaction rate, highest (per capita) in the country.
You got a problem with that?